Definitely London Town


The fucking rich are fucking keen
To fucking keep us fucking mean.
The fucking pricks in Parliament
Are fucking us with our consent.
The fucking press is fucking lame,
The immigrants they fucking blame
Are cautioned not to fuck around
Anywhere in London Town.

The Tory fucks are fucking tools,
And fucking Labour’s just as cruel.
The fucking Prime Conservative,
He fucking fucked a fucking pig,
Then fucking sold us fucking out
To bail the fucking bankers out.
But still they own the fucking ground
We’re standing on in London Town.

The fucking town’s a fucking sight,
A fucking great construction site.
The fucking Mayor’s fucking bent
On luxury developments.
The fucking rent’s a fucking joke,
But still he wants our fucking vote.
Everyone’s a fucking clown
Everywhere in London Town.

Developers are fucking quick
To fucking use each dirty trick
To justify their fucking plans,
While washing clean their dirty hands.
‘It’s not our fault,’ they fucking cry,
‘Our fucking profits are sky high!’
While fucking knocking fucking down
Where we live in London Town.

The fucking suits in fucking ties
Have fucking pound signs in their eyes.
A fucking bloke is fucking nicked
For begging from some fucking prick.
He only wants a fucking bed
To fucking rest his fucking head!
The fine’s a hundred fucking pounds
Here in fucking London Town.

Estate agents, the fucking fucks,
Are fucking springing fucking up
Like fucking poppies on the graves
Of homes where we were fucking raised.
The fucking dreams they fucking sell
Are fucking built on someone’s Hell,
But no one sees the fucking mounds,
They’re buried far from London Town.

The fucking council’s fucking crap,
They fucking want your council flat.
The fucking filth are at your door,
They fucking hate the fucking poor.
‘You’re off the fucking housing list!’
They fucking take the fucking piss.
But no one makes a fucking sound,
Definitely London Town.

– Simon Elmer, after a 1980 poem by Dr. John Cooper Clarke, who wrote it after a 1940 poem by Captain Hamish Blair.

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